2005-01-05 - 8:42 a.m.
Thursday I was asked what I would say if I was told that Rachel was using cocaine. I was floored. I worked on the behavior med floor transcribing doctors orders for 1 and 1/2 years. In that time I was trained well on how detect withdrawl symptoms on various drugs. Also, the behaviors of those abusing drugs.I never once witnessed my daughter showing any signs of drug abuse. There was a time when Rachel experimented with marijuana and she came to me and told me what she had done. She and I have always talked openly about a variety of life issues. We have an understanding. There is what you call confession time where I'm to listen to what she has to say and I'm not allowed to get angry. I promised her to be understanding and to help her find a way out of the messes she may get into and to calmly explain why she can't always have her way on certain things. She doesn't always like what I have to say but it works for us. Rachel believes in God. Up till the time her pregnacey became public knowledge, she went regularly to church and recently spent much time on the phone with her youth pastor discussing how she plans to rejoin the church and bring her precious Jessica with her as soon as the flu season ended. Sure, Rachel has additude with me sometimes but she has respect for me. She has never really gave me any serious trouble. She has had many medical problems. Some too difficult to handle on her own. She has made some stupid decisions. What teen hasn't? I beleive her isolated incodent of drug use was a cry for help or she would never have told about it. You reminded me that anything Rachel does is my responsibility. So, when the drug officer asked for me to allow him to search Rachel's room, I thought of Jessica and was shook up.If Rachel did have drugs in her room, I could be prosecuted and sent to jail. I was still going to let him but I needed my ex-husband there. Even though we are no longer together, we are on the same wavelength when it comes to our baby girl. I'll be honest, that officer had me beleiving those things about her. I ran to her room after you left and searched vigerously tearing up the room. I hit my ceiling fan with the mattress and broke it. I don't have the money to replace it. I didn't care. I was a woman on a mission. I found nothing. Still convinced the officer was right about them, I was determined to find the drugs and force Jesse out of our lives. I searched my out building and my attic(places I rarely go), then they arrived with Jessica. The house a mess, I met them at Jesse's car and sent them to my mother's to drop off Jessica. When they came back I demanded to search Jesse's car and did so.I found a filthy drug free car and let me tell you that's when I realized they were the victims of an evil prank. A teen who knew of his past and obviously wants to ruin him and Rachel. Calling child Protective services, turning him into the police as a drug dealer, and spreading to everyone at the school that Rachel and Jesse are narcs for the police wearing wires and all that. We are scared to death of what they are going to do next. Yes, Jesse got into some trouble in the past with a girl named Kayla. Jesse paid a dear price for his mistakes and has shown a possitive side of himself since. Having a baby motivates people to do great things. He didn't rape my child. Rachel had surgery on her kidneys. She tried to refuse the operation and the Dr. told her if she refused it she would go home and die. 4 days later she was right back into the operating room with another surgery. The dr. then told her that she would probably have multiple surgeries on her kidneys throughout her life and it causes damage to her kidneys everytime. So, she starts to think she's not going to live very long. She made a list of things she wanted to do before she died and loosing her virginity was one of them. She knew Jesse worked with me at kroger she saw him at a ball game and they talked. She lied to him about her age. She talked him into going out with her while I was at work. She lead him to think she would be his girl. They had sex twice and she broke up with him. The whole time I knew nothing of what was going on. Rachel saw him with another girl and became jealous and said she didn't realize she had feelings for him. She lied to me and told me he was gay.He had a feminin side to him so I excepted their friendship. I grew to love Jesse over the time I knew him. Rachel had some emotional problems so I took her to Dr. Hasan. ( I work with her on behavior med) She told me she was pregnant and I blamed Jesse for everything. I refused to listen to Rachel. I was so afraid my little girl wouldn't survive this. I wanted him to pay and was shocked to hear Rachel tell me she was in love. I didn't care. In my mind Jesse was toast. Then the Dr. said it was going to be a difficult pregnancy but it would be more dangerous to terminate it. Severe stress would cause her to loose it and possibly her own life as well. My hatred for Jesse was Rachel's biggest stress. If I loved her I had to give it up at least till the baby was born and both were okay. Then Jesse would pay. I was so angry for everything we had to go through, Then Jessica was placed in my arms. Jesse never once left Rachel's side through out the pregnacy. We offered him every out imaginable. We said," Go and don't look back." We told him we wouldn't even go after him for child support and that he was getting off scott free. We told him if he stayed in Rachel's life he'd be sent to jail after my 3 very big very angry brothers got finished with him. He stayed. He faced his actions and didn't run. They just got closer and were engaged. I was pissed. He stepped up to the plate. Got with the program. Wanted to be Jessica's Daddy from day one. I treated him like a child rapist and bitched at him constantly.He took it all and still treated Rachel as if she was a queen. He clung to her and I hated it. I treated him as if he was a looser and he went back to high school and got his diploma not GED but diploma and was told he was able to go to college for free. He's here all the time. He loves Rachel and Jessica and they love him. Didn't matter to me. I was still mad as hell and wanted him to suffer like I did all this time. Rachel repeatedly told me that she was the one who did this. Jesse was innocent but he had a past and wasn't good enough for my daughter all though he makes her happier than any one in her life ever has including me. Jesse brought her back to me when really I was loosing her , lost her, to a nasty divorce and overwhelming responsibilities and the greatest loss I've ever known( the loss of my husband to another woman) Jesse saved us by pulling us out of a pit of dispear. He and Rachel summonsed an angel from Heaven to come into our lives and showed us how to feel great joy and peice and love again. I saw how he was with Jessica. He's so good to her. He's meeting his responsibilities and is doing everthing right. I started liking him again and then loving him again. I forgave him and that was huge for me. I was finding myself looking forward to every new day instead of cussing the sun everytime it rose. Life was good ,no, it was great. Till Thursday. I lost so much sleep. I was late for work twice. I feel like I living a night mare and I need it to stop. One good thing came from this. I realize now how good Jesse really is and Fred and I will move heaven and earth to keep him in our lives as well as Rachel's and Jessica's. They will be married and Fred is going to get a lawyer and help Jesse. He's the skape goat for a bunch of doped up kids who need to protect the real dealer so they won't loose there supplier of drugs. 3 times my house was visited by people who are thinking we are unworthy of taking care of our gift from God our Miricle child. God knows how we feel and we know that we have to answer to a much higher power if we don't do right by her. She is the child of God and we will do our job to raise her as the royalty she is. Rachel is studying to be a Psychiatrist. Jesse a computer engineer. Both with equil pay. I'm going back to college to get my RN license. I'll be returning to the nursing field this march doubleing my current salary. Every cloud has a silver lining. I see the love Jessica has in her eyes as she looks at her Daddy. The only child abuser in her life would be the one who breaks that up. Rachel's father and I along with Jesse's very large family will do anything and everything to see to it that Jesse Rachel And Jessica are never harmed again. After all this is over, I'm taking my family and moving because we are not safe from the evil sniper teens who have the gall to do this to a little baby. We can trust noone not even the very agency that is dedicated to protect children because they allow people to use little babies as a pawn to hurt others without consequence. Even to the point of keeping their identities secret so we can't even tell where the shots are being fired from. I know you are just doing your job and it can't be an easy job, but Defamation of character is illegal unless the person is using a child in their lies. One of the Ten Commandments is "Thou shalt not bare false witness against thy neighbor." Tell us who this group of demons are now and we will see to it they are brought to justice. If you don't tell us we won't be able to protect ourselves and we have no choice to move far enough away so they can't find us.
Rachel was informed that when she returned to school, her life would be in serious danger. That she wouldn't even see it coming and she wouldn't know who is after her. I need my daughter in my life and her daughter needs her in her life so I won't be letting Rachel go to school. It's just not safe.
What has to happen next? Perhaps a drive by shooting or baby kidnapping because of the jealousy of a psychotic teen? I'm telling you these teens are dangerous and need serious psychological care. I understand your take in all of this now please understand how this has made us feel. My mother is 68 with a bad back and needs us close. This is the first time she has ever got to live so close to one of her 5 great Grandchildren and now I have to take that away from her not to mention the rest of Jessica's enormous family. It's not just us who are effected by this. And before I forget Mrs. Lee Clark, guidence counselor of Princeton high has been spending several hours a day twice a week for months in our home instructing Rachel as her home school teacher and would love for you to come see her or call her at the school. She said what she has to tell you could clear a whole lot up for all of us. Please go see her. I just can't take much more. I've had enough ... This is the end.
