Well hi there! I don't know for sure what woke me up this morning, but I don't think it was Jessica. Although, when I got up and walked in here she was fussing a little bit. Anyway. I'm getting so fed up with Jay's bullshit about taking care of his daughter. Okay, when he gets home from work everynight, we always go over to JJ's house to chill. We stay for about an hour or two, and then come home to "supposedly" get in bed. It never actually happens that way, but that's not the point. We come home everynight from JJ's, and play grand theft auto. (I hate that freaking game..) We end up staying up half the night, and then have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to take care of little Renee. Not only that, half the time we play the game and then go to try to fall asleep and end up fucking. Thus, neither of us get the sleep our bodies crave for.

So, last night we get away from JJ's earlier than usual. We come home, and play that damn game for about an hour or so, and end up in bed at about 1:15 am. We were so exhausted we actually fell asleep. Well, low and behold, Renee wakes up at 2:10 this morning. We both got up with her. Jay took care of her while I sanitized bottles.(Seeing as it was really Jay's turn to do bottles. Actually it was his turn the last 10 times I've done them. But he never even made the attempt, as usual..)She fell back asleep at about 3:00, and we climbed back into bed. It probably wasn't even an hour before she was up again. But this time I got up by myself with her. I figured she wouldn't be up too long. And she wasn't. She just ate and went back asleep. It was all about one hour. So I get back in bed and ask Jay if he'll get up with her next time. He says, "Sure."

At ten til 5 this morning the baby starts crying. I roll over and tell him to get up. He throws one hell of a fit on me. He almost started crying. I have never in my life heard any guy get that high pitched when they're upset. I immedialtely jumped out of bed and ran out of the room. I was happy to go take care of her, if he'd just stop busting my eardrums. Well, little did I know, my mom was already awake and heading for the baby's bassenette. I was running out of the bedroom yelling, "Big fucking baby, shut the hell up!!" Needless to say my mom thought I was coming out here ready to cuss little Renee out.

But oh-the-well. I guess it doesn't matter. I don't ever seeing it change. He's ALWAYS going to get to sleep all day, keep us both up all night, and then throw a fit every morning when the baby wakes up. It never fails. I ALWAYS get the short end of the stick. And I don't think he even gives two shits about how I feel. It's been like two weeks now, and I get like 2 or 3 hours of sleep everynight. PLUS, take care of an infant on top of it. Sounds fun, huh?

But I tell you what, my legs are closed from now on. Until he starts doing right by me, things are going to change. The PS2 is being moved out of the bedroom into the living room. When the baby falls asleep, I'm hitting the sac. And I'm only going to JJ's twice a week from now on. I'm getting some sleep damn it! I'll be damned if I have another sleepless night. I want to enjoy my daughter, not be miserable because I have to get out of the bed to take care of her. She deserves better, and that's what is going to happen. *Before you can take care of a baby properly, you first have to take care of YOU*

Ever since all that crap went down with the 5-0 and welfare, everything has been total chaos. Our schedule got completely thrown off track, so now I'm trying to get the baby back to her routine things. No more going to bed at different times, and missing baths for her. I'm making a chart for three days of everything she does to kind of find the pattern again and then I'm setting times and sticking to them. Man, I had this all down before. I don't know what the *H* happened.

Anyway- You should here what happened to me the night before last..

We went to JJ's like we do everynight, but this time was different. Joshua and some guy name Matt was over there. This Matt guy had been drinking an eighth of liquor to himself. The expensive crap. He was shit-faced. Well, He was going on and on about everything. Talking with this fake-ass accent that he supposedly picked up living in "the City". Funny thing is, he only used this "accent" when he was trying to be serious. When he rambled on and on, he talked like a hick. Hardcore. He sounded worse like a hick than anyone in the room. Plus he was born AND raised in West Virginia. He also lived in Kentucky for a couple of years. (KY has got more hicks than anywhere that I've seen. Trust me, I used to live there myself..)But when he used this little accent, he called us all honkies, and yankees, and crackers. It was so dumb. He was getting on everyone's nerves, but we all put up with his shit because he was drunk, and because he is Joshua's friend. He was talking shit to everyone though. Saying he was going to run over us with his car.(Oh and he referred to his Hnda Civic as a Bentley.. )Just picking fights with everyone. Including me and Kristin. And you have to realize that this guy is scrawny, and is occupying a room with two huge guys,plus Jay and Josh. Now the whole time he's talking shit, JJ's brother and JJ are benching 135lbs right in front of him. This dude couldn't even have weighed 135 lbs!! And I know that amount of weight isn't very impressive to bench, but they were in there tossing the barbell up in the air and catching it like 20 times each. (while the other one was hitting them in the stomache.) Now to me, that's pretty tough. If I was a little guy, drunk or not, I probably wouldn't mess with either of them knowing they could break my ass in two. You know? But this guy was relentless. He was talking mad shit to them, WHILE they were throwing the weights. *dumb ass*.

Well an hour into the night we're all in the kitchen watching JJ bench weights. I was holding my very expensive ashtray that has a pot leaf in the bottom of the glass. (All of mine and Jay's things are over there because of the cops being on our asses. So everything that has to do with "illegal stuff", it's at JJ's) Well this guy walks in the kitchen, looks at me, and says, "Is that an ashtray?" He then proceeds to knock it out of my hand into the floor, where it almost breaks. Drunk or not, that was uncalled for, and very rude. The whole room got deadly silent, I stood there about to explode counting to ten out loud. I decided it wasn't worth it and tried to keep my cool.

So a short while later we're all chilling in the living room, watching a movie. Next thing I know, dude throws a thick, metal chain at Kristin, misses, and hits me right in the eye. I got up and told him off so bad. Everyone was like *whoah*. I was so pissed, I went off!! I was getting ready to beat the mortal shit out of this drunk guy, but they told me that it was probably an accident, and that it was worth ruining my night. So I let it be and went home. *I hate drunk bastards* and that right there is the reason I don't like drinking. I don't think it's very cool to make an ass out of myself in front of my friends. You know?

But anyway, that guy is never allowed at their house again after that. But not because of what he did to me. That was part of it, plus him talking shit to everyone and making fun of all of us "yankees".. But the worst thing he did was the main reason. Their little one year old daughter was laying in the floor and he was standing over her talking. He was holding an unopened can of red-bull. It slips out of his hand, and hits the floor 2 inches away from that babies little head. I would have went nuts. Could you imagine a full can of red-bull falling almost five feet and hitting your daughter? It could have hit her soft-spot, or even her little eyeball. If it had been my house, I would have made him leave right then.

But anyway, I think I've typed enough for now. My fingers are getting tired. so.. Have a nice one!! I love you rosa jane..

P.S. I have been a VERY bad little girl, but I can't say what it is that I've done. Atleast not for now.......