������I haven't been all that committed to d*land lately. I've tried to keep my entries consistent, but I haven't really been filling them with information. I've just been telling all of you that "I will write better tomorrow". So I guess it's time to make up for it and actually give you an entry worth reading. So here goes:

������You already know that I stayed with my Oma the other night, and managed to run my mouth, yet again. Well, all that blew over already. I knew it wouldn't matter in a few days. And well, yesterday was so effing boring that it's not even worth writing about. So, today. Today was average. My Mother's loud-I know everything-I am God-pothead-tell you off at the drop of a hat-what I say is right, live by it-friend came over today. She stayed for about 5 minutes, and then informed us that she was going to be back later. Never-the-less, she did return, but she brought both of her anorexic-psycho daughter's with her. That wanted to play DVD trivia. Man, fuck that game. I have better things to waist my time doing.

No offense to all you out there who like the game. I'm just dumb and never answer any of the questions correctly. *I'm a sorry loser*..

������Anyway- I guess the visit wasn't that bad, one of her daughters isn't really that skinny, I just envy her. Speaking of which, I plan on losing this wait. Sebastian has informed me that he'll be happy to be my personal trainer. It really makes me think of those movies and TV shows, where the 'personal trainer' always ends up being the hidden lover. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, Sebastian is so fine, and it would just make sense for it to happen. But we'll save that for down the road when I feel the need to discuss my true feelings. I guess that dukkha-tanha says it best.

������Anyway- I added another link to my diary. I thought that I was too shy to write about my sex life. After reading so many diaries who go into full detail about it, I'm thinking, it's natural, everyone does it, why should I be so shy? So, there it is. Hope you like it.

������I'm really beginning to fall apart without rosa jane. I know that our feelings about eachother haven't changed, but it's the distance between us that's killing me. Honestly, I spent two years of my life getting to see her everyday. Talk to her, breathe her in, feel the warmth of the love she has for me. I don't even have one picture of her. (I ask myself why this is. She is my only true friend in this universe, and I've not one picture of her. I'll ask her for one..) I miss her so bad that's its actually consuming me. I think about her everyday. How is she doing? Does she need me as much as I need her? Does she cry late at night like I do? Is she happy? When will I get to see her in person again? Why do I have to go through this withdrawl? Great, now I'm tearing up again. I have to stop this. I have to hold on to the fact that she's safe, and I will get to see her again. It's just hard, you know? The love I have for that girl is right up there with the love I have for my daughter, my mother, and Jay. I just miss her.

������I don't really know if this counts as a good entry, but I have managed to depress myself and must go. Jay should be home soon anyway, and I don't want him to see me upset again. It's actually pretty sad because he doesn't even understand the love between rosa jane and me. He's never had a friendship so strong. I've never even seen a friendship so unbreakable. I'll write about that too one day. Bye for now. I love you soooooooo much rosa jane. Take care.