I've been getting a lot of good comments about my diary. Thank you! My PC has this lovely virus, "Mona Lisa wants her smile back." It will let me get on any site in the world except d*land or virus protectors. I can't even do a system restore. So, I have to manipulate my computer to get to the login page of d*land. I'm thankful that works for me. Jay's going to fix the problem when he has some free time. Hmmm, I think I'm going to make an entry that's all about rosa jane. A lot of people seem to be interested in her. That's good inspiration for me to spill about it all. Plus, I don't think she'd mind. So here goes:

       I signed up to play soccer when I was in the seventh grade. None of my friends signed up with me so basically I was alone. I wanted my number to be #2. If you read my bio you'd know that the number 2 is my favorite. That's another story in itself. Anyway- I couldn't have number 2 because rosa jane stole it. She didn't know that she stole it, but she did. So, I was #22. Rosa jane was really nice to me at practice. She was always my partner. Even though we didn't know eachother, we were still cool. After the season was over we never talked. We barely seen eachother at school. Our classes were divided by our last names. Mine starting with "s" and her's with "c". It wasn't until our 8th grade year that we had a class together. It was an advanced math class. She sat beside me, but still, we never talked. Almost as if we didn't exist to eachother. We hung out with two totally different groups of people.

       My mom was really strict on me. She sheltered me from a lot of things. One being local football games. I had never went to one. Not one. So, in 8th grade I was dating a football player and desperately wanted to go to his game. My mom agreed to let me go, only if I had a friend go with me. I was fine with that. I called everyone. All of my friends were either grounded, busy, or just not home. I couldn't find anyone to go with me. So, my mom says, "what about that little girl from soccer practice?" I was like "no mom, I don't want to go with her." I really didn't. But, there was no other way for me to go to the game. I had to be there. Just had to go. So, despite the fact that I was willing to stay home if it meant I had to go with rosa jane, my mom called her. My mom did. She called and asked rosa jane if she'd like to go with me. Of course she was up for it. I cried. I was so mad at my mom for it. But, we left to go get her. My mom took us to the game and dropped us off.

       I had so much fun. Me and rosa jane watched the game together, and talked about everything. She went from non-friend statis, to sole-mate in a matter of two quaters. By half time, I was in love. I was so fascinated with her. It was so cold outside. We decided to be soldiers and take off our jackets. Both of us were wearing sheer tops. They barley had sleeves on them. Very thin shirts. We played a mind game to make us warm. We kept saying, "I am the sun, I am the sun". It worked. I thought she was the best. I totally dropped all of my friends to hang with her. She did the same. From that day on we were inseperable. At least I thought.

       We were together everyday. Not a day went by that I didn't see my rosa jane. We thought the same thoughts. Had the same interests. Never in my life had I seen two people so close. It was awesome. Her parents loved me, my parents loved her. She made me and my dad closer. I was so bummed out about going to my dad's. All I ever did over there was lay in bed or watch TV. Rosa jane started going with me. Every weekend she stayed with me at my dad's. It was so great to have someone there with me. I didn't feel trapped anymore.

       We went to the beach together. We had so much fun. I met her cousin Casey at the beach, but that's a different story also. My dad took us to Gatlinburg. We went to the aquarium. We got to pet sting rays together. We rode a helicopter with my dad. It was so much fun. She went to my softball games. She cheered me on. She gave me the strength I need to keep my team together. She gave me the confidence to get out there and do my best. We went to an art class every Saturday together. We wrote poems together. We went to church together. Bible study every Tuesday night. We had to fill out a survey at class one night. Rosa jane and I had the same answers. We told our story. We cried, and so did most of the girls in the room. Our youth pastor told us she'd never seen a bond so strong. Did I mention that our handwriting was, and still to this day, is identical? Not even a forensic scientist would be able to differentiate between us. We have so many great memories. Memories that will stay with me forever. So, for almost 3 years we stayed tight.

       I still had other friends too. Friends that I started missing. I was leading a second life. I was going behind her back and smoking weed with my other friends. I told rosa I had only done it a few times, but in reality I was getting high all the time. I got so fed up with myself for lying to my best friend. I decided it was time for rosa jane to get high with me. So, I took her to my friends house with me. We smoked a joint. She had a good time. After that me and jay would take her on rides with us and we'd smoke blunts. It was the greatest thing in the world. We felt free. Like no one could hold us back. I loved it. It was probably the best time of my life. The best memories I'll ever have.

       On Febuary 16th, 2004, (rosa jane's birthday..) we were going on a ride. I had a gut feeling. I knew I was pregnant. It was almost 3 in the morning. Me and rosa jane were both wearing pajamas. Jay dropped us off at the door of wal*mart. We went straight to the beauty section and rosa jane stole a box containing two pregnancy tests. She put them in the pocket of her hoodie. We went in the bathroom. The handi-cap stall. She stood there as I took the test. We waited. The anticipation was aweful. I was practically breaking a sweat. The eight minutes we waited seemed like an eternity. The test read positive. I was floored. It took everything I had not to fall over in the floor and just cry. She hugged me forever. We walked back outside to get in the car. Jay asked if I was pregnant. I think he could tell by the look on my face, but he needed to hear me say it. I didn't even say anything. I just handed him the test so he could see for himself. He was just as shocked as I was. I was on birthcontrol. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. I took my mom to my phsyciatrist with me. I told her. Rosa jane was waiting in the lobby for us to come out. My mom hugged me for about 20 minutes. That's not even an exaggeration. Dr. Hasan sent us to the Women's Center with an outpatient testing paper. They took a blood test and told us to wait 30 minutes for the results to come back. What we did for that 30 minutes is a total blur to me. All I really remember is going back to the lab to get the results. I had to sign for them. I then walked to the desk to get the paper. The nurse gae me a look that could kill. She walked right past me and handed the paper to my mom. The nurse put her hand on my mother's back, in a sort of bitch but comforting way. Then she looked back at me. My mom handed me the results. Sure enough, I was infact pregnant.

       It wasn't much longer after we found out that rosa jane got taken away from me. Within weeks. Her parents found out. I was no longer allowed to see rosa jane. Her parents sompletely shut me out of their lives. I was devestated. This was one of the hardest things I'd ever go through. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was alone.

       I had a few conversations with rosa jane over the net. Very few, and far between. We wrote poems back and forth rather than talk to eachother. It was easier. More heartfelt. I was homebound for my kidneys, so it wasn't until I was allowed to attend school again that I saw her. It was the last three weeks of 9th grade. I got to see ehr everyday for three weeks. After that she just disappeared from my life completely.

       I spent the whole summer mourning for my rosa jane. It was almost worse than death. I couldn't see nor talk to her. She was alive, but not to me. I didn't know if she was ok. I had no clue what she was doing. Whether or not I would ever see her again. Then August 22nd, the first day of 10th grade, I saw her. We didn't speak. We had fourth block together. She sat in the very front of my row. I sat in the very back. She wrote a note and passed it back to me. I answered and that was it. I was put on maternity leave.

       I heard rumors about rosa jane. I heard she was spreading lies about me. That she hated me, and wanted to see me perish. I was so hurt. Three days after my due date, on October 21st of 2004, I went for a routine visit at my OB doctor's office. He told me that if I wanted he would induce my labor. I went ahead and went through with it. I went into hard labor around 1:30 that day. It wasn't until 28 and a half hours later that my beautiful Jessica Renee was delivered to me by cesarean section. Rosa jane was never notified. My daughters's God-mother wasn't there. I went through post-partum depression because I didn't have her with me. I needed her. I needed her more than I needed anything.

       Time passed and I got to talk to rosa jane on the phone when she went to stay with friends. I took pictures of me and the baby to her one night. I only seen her through a window. It was pouring rain. She reached out, I handed her the pictures, and I was gone. On January third, she walked from her friends house to mine. It was the first and only time she's ever seen my daughter.

       Rosa jane's dad bought her a cell phone. She called me all the time on it. I was so happy that I was getting to speak to her. That didn't even last long. The last call I got from her on that cell phone was the call telling me not to call her anymore. Her dad would now be in posession of her phone. She was being admitted to a hospital in Beckley. From there I heard that she was being placed in de-tox for two weeks, and then to rehab for 6 months. She called and sent letters. I wrote her back. Made her that card I told you about.

       Three days ago I got a call from rosa jane. It was 10:15pm, and the call was made from her aunt's house. She informed me that she'd been kicked out of rehab for running with an 18 year old guy. She called her aunt confiding in her. Her aunt called the police and told them where to find her. They guy was taken to jail, and rosa was simply kicked out of the program and left with her aunt. She's now facing her consiquences for her actions. She either has to live with her aunt in Morgantown, or be locked up in Winston-Salem Juvinille Detention Center for 18 months. Her parents haven't decided yet.

       I'm supposed ot go see her this Tuesday, but that's looking like a negative. Her parents could show up anytime to get her, and her aunt thinks it's too risky. If she gets caught with me, then she'll be locked up. That's a definite.

       I can't help but to feel like I caused all of this. Rosa jane has asked me not to feel this way. She says that I can't control her decisions. That she would have done it sometime in her life anyway. I just don't know.

There's my story. It's not really detailed. I couldn't possibly type the entirety of our relationship. You wouldn't ever finish it. But, there it is. I hope I haven't bored you into never reading me again.

I have to go now. Jay's granny just picked up the little one, and I deserve my break. I love you rosa jane. Comments, feedback, I'd love to hear what you think people. =)