Jay's in the kitchen right now. He's doing bottles for me. Isn't that cute? Jay, doing bottles? I'm still baffled.

      I went to the health department today. Most of you would refer to it as the "clinic", but that just sounds too, I don't know, pregnant/abortion to me. So I'll just say Health Dept. Anyway, I went today. To get birth control. Finally. Man, I was there for about 3 hours. It sucked ass. It does have its advantages though. You know, no more kids. I love mine more than anything, but hey, one's all I need.

      While we we're there, we seen a really fucking retarded person. She was so irritating. Every five fucking minutes, "Can I see the doctor yet?" I asked the triage nurse how often she comes to the Health Dept. She told me that the girl is there every other day. Her husband drives the Bluefield Transit, and the girl rides it every day. Like, 10 times a day. Apparently she fakes sick all the time, just to get to go the the Health Dept. Anyway- I was at the "Health Dept." to get my yearly PAP and some wicked awesome birth control pills. How f-n neat?? Yeah, I know, It's the shit, right?

      Let me clue you in about my very first PAP. Ok? It was so cool. It deserves to be talked about. Alright, here I am at the "Health Dept." I was there to get birth control, as most all teen girls from the age 13 to 17 go to the Health Dept. for, right? I had no clue that I had to get a PAP. I thought that was for more mature women. Not teenaged girls. So, I'm all excited about getting birthcontrol. (Even though I was forbiddin to have sex until my wedding night, right?) So, I get into the exam room, and the nurse hands me what appears to be two really oversized paper towels. You've probably seen them and all, but that was a first for me. Now I'm dressed in my new paper towel wardrobe when I decide to lay down on the exam table. I had my eyes shut for a brief moment to take a deep breath. The moments to come weren't ones I had been anticipating. I wasn't all about getting probed after all.

      The doctor walks in. It's a *he* doctor. As I'm lying there, I think of all the horrible things I have to go through just to get "regular periods". I open my eyes, look up, and what do I see taped to the ceiling tile? This poster of the sexiest man I've ever seen, with a note in front of him saying, "Put me on your to-do list!" I immediatly start giggling. What else am I to do in this situation? No sooner than I recollect myself, the doctor reaches in under my paper towel, and starts fondling my right boob. I couldn't contain the laughter any longer. Nope, no more holding back for me, I busted out laughing. The nurse and my mother both started laughing also. (I didn't tell you my mom took me, did I?) So here's this doctor, massaging the hell out of my naked breasts, trying to act professional about it, while three women are standing in the same, microscopic room with him, laughing their asses off. Priceless.

      He moves on to the PAP, which, by this point, I was actually expecting. I managed to calm down. It's easier to keep your composure when you know what's coming next. So after it was all over with, I was fine, and I had a new appreciation for the world of a woman. Seriously.

      Anyway- back to today. I walked in the room. Same "to-do list" room I had been in before. I got my PAP, and then Jay walked in the room. The nurse handed me my bag o'goodies. You know, the usual, a shit load of condoms, birth control, and a check-off sheet for your monthly self breast fondling, I mean exam. BTW- The doctor also informed me that I was on the verge of starting my "monthly cycle", apparently "the top of my tube was red". Words of the doctor, not me.

      Speaking of condoms, I have a bag full of the fuckers. I have a lifetime of condoms, seriously. I only wish I actually got that much ass. You know? Well, I guess I'm set for all my future fucks, atleast untill this shit gets in my system. Oh and I'm so lucky, I just started. How f-n great is that?

      Mail just came. I got my Relationship Rescue book, along with my When Darkness Loves Us book, came in!! YAY!! I think I have some reading to do guys. Talk at you tomorrow I guess. I love you rosa jane. I need to tell you something. CALL ME DAMNIT!