������Last night just completely sucked ass. Jay was an asshole, and didn't want to come home. And pretty much stayed gone until almost three this morning. I was on the net all night talking to Jade. She's sweet. On the other hand, Joshua was messaging me last night too. Only, he kept saying shit like, "I'm sorry things happened the way they did but, we can't be together.", and," You don't know how bad I want to be with you, but you and I both know that it's not going to happen."

������I'm sorry but I can't deal with that shit. He thinks that I still pine over him or something. That everything I am depressed over, just has to be because I'm still in love with him. Yes, he does occupy a piece of my heart, and deep down in the back of my mind, I do think about him. But that's because he was a big part of my life. I love him to death, but I'm not in love with him. I would do anything for him. But that doesn't mean that I dwell on the fact that we're not together.

������Enough. So, it's kind of funny that I've been writing this same entry for the past three hours. I've had other things to do as well. I've straightened up the house a bit, washed and folded clothes, washed bottles, took two naps with Renee, and of course changed plenty of dirty diapers. I also had to clean, and re-organize the baby's nursery due to the fact that someone always goes right behind me, and puts things in opposite parts of the room. This makes it nearly impossible to keep a routine going. And I depend on my routine. For example, Jay will go to put away her clothes, blankets, bibs, etc., and instead of putting them where they go, he just tosses all of them together (unfolded..) in the droor of the changing table. And mind you, the only things I keep in her changing table are her ointments, creams, brushes, wash and all that good stuff. Asshole.

������I sure do hope my dad never finds this diary online.I'd be screwed. I never even talk about my dad. Hmmm, here's a brief history: My rents split up back when I was 9. The actual divorce didn't get finalized until I was 10. My dad currently lives in Tazewell, Va. nuf sed. Man, my mom should be home by now. Welp, I'm hungry. If you have ICQ or MSN, get at me.. 178643424, [email protected] By-ee

I love you rosa jane.. call me